`You’re aggressive!’ `He’s insecure.’

`She’s intelligent.’ `He’s paranoid!’

How often have you found yourself using such expressions? We all use labels for people in our daily lives, because they help us to classify, sort, and put order into our world, making it easier to understand. One may describe a neighbor as `friendly’, a business acquaintance as ‘ambitious’, and a relative or child as an ‘extrovert’. This form of labeling helps us get a quick picture of what the person might be like, although we are aware (hopefully!) that it is a limited picture. We don’t expect a positive label to tell us a great deal about the individual person, since labels are so general (there are many types of people we might call an ‘extrovert’). Ironically, with undesirable behavior we sometimes apply a descriptive label and then expect that label to explain the behavior.

You have undoubtedly seen highly energetic children who sometimes wear parents down (maybe your own children times)? Their attention span may he short, their interests endless, and they can be ‘wound up’ day and night. Thousands of such children have been labeled ‘hyperactive’ and treated by doctors with drugs, a practice that is ‘now being seriously questioned. The label ‘hyperactive’, originally a name for certain behavior, came to be seen as an explanation in itself.

Do labels really tell us anything about a child’?  Do the labels aggressive, hyperactive, artistic, rebellious, brainwashed, silly, head-shrunken, or brat tell you anything useful about what actually happened in this situation? Do the labels really tell why? Indeed, you may consider Norman to be a ‘brat’, but his inexcusable behavior is not caused by ‘naughtiness’. it is maintained by its consequences, including his mother’s inaction. Clearly, labels can lead parents into a blind alley because if labels caused troublesome behavior, then parents couldn’t do anything to change their children’s actions. Fortunately, this isn’t the case.

Some difficult child behavior may have its basis ‘inside the child’ – perhaps a result of body chemistry. Indeed, research is still being conducted to determine if some overactive children could he stimulated by the foods or chemical additives they eat. However, labels have been badly misused. For years we have labeled some people as ‘retarded’. Expecting very little from such people, what did we get? That’s right – very little. Schools, doctors and parents have overused labels such as underachiever, culturally deprived, emotionally disturbed, insecure and educationally handicapped. The result of all this labeling was often that teachers, hospitals, and even parents gave little meaningful help if a child was categorized as ‘retarded’ or ‘disturbed’.

Many people think of behavior as a collection of personality traits that are also inherited from parents and grandparents, much like eye color or hair texture. The best evidence available suggests that, while the foundations for behavior are inherited, most behavior is learned through life experiences.

Have you ever known parents who think their child is an ‘angel’, while you are convinced the child is a ‘monster”? There are no such things as ‘good’ or `bad’ behavior in children. This is also true among nations, cultures, or socioeconomic groups.

Actions considered ‘good’ in a Northern European country, for instance, may be considered ‘bad’ in the Middle East. Also our judgment changes over time: many characteristics considered ‘unacceptable’ for women in the early part of this century, such as assertiveness, are considered desirable today.

What is acceptable and what is unacceptable is a matter of opinion, but all behavior is acquired in the same way, no matter how we label it. Within your own family there is probably general agreement about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior.

Obviously, no one wants children to learn tad’ habits! They often do, nonetheless, and parents can sometimes see where they got such habits, perhaps from friends, school, television, or even other family members! Sometimes it seems a mystery: how did the child ever pick that up? Why does it continue in the face of punishment? In such cases, parents may be accidentally teaching the behavior and helping to maintain it by their reactions to it!

Every now and then we encounter parents who are surprised to find out that their child is quiet, cooperative, and perhaps even docile at school. At home, they find the child loud, negative, and almost constantly in trouble. Such parents may see nothing unusual in the observation that their own behavior is very different at home, at work, with friends, or while on holiday. Why not their children as well?

Children, like adults, learn what behavior fits what situations, so that places, people, and events become ‘cues’ for both desirable and undesirable behavior.

Like a green light that has been turned on, the class goes wild when the substitute teacher shows up. When the students are well aware that their teacher doesn’t know them, can have little effect on their marks, and probably will not be seen again for the rest of the year. So why work? Why not play or just do nothing, or even enjoy tormenting her? The substitute becomes a ‘cue’ for acting up. When the regular teacher returns, she finds it hard to believe that her normally well-behaved group could possibly have been so unruly.

The immediate effect of cues upon behavior can be seen in a variety of situations. For example, some young children cry when parents are about to go out and leave them with a babysitter. Yet the minute the door closes the crying stops. Some brothers and sisters will fight noisily when parents are around, yet play well together when alone. Children can also behave ideally at home but cause perpetual problems at school. Situations, people, and places serve as cues for all sorts of behavior.

Children’s actions make sense in terms of the situation. Sometimes the cues are very subtle and not noticed. In other cases, they are obvious. When we look at the complexities of each unique individual, and the variety of situations which occur in our lives, it is not difficult to see why behavior can at times seem to be beyond explanation!