All too frequently parents devote their entire lives to the children. As soon as the first one comes home from the hospital, a couple’s lifestyle changes completely. Long romantic dinners, sleeping in on weekends, last minute plans with friends, or even a few hours of peace and quiet to watch a movie at home together can sometimes become what dreams are made of.

Many parents, however, feel obligated to provide this level of never ending dedication to their children from day one – much to the detriment of their relationship and even their marriage. Yet it doesn’t need to be this way, and it shouldn’t be.

If you can’t remember the last time you and your spouse had dinner together, alone, with no interruptions ¨C you are heading for trouble. Alone time is just as important after children as before. It doesn’t always need to be in a restaurant with candles and wine, but the more often you can manage these times together, the better.

Yes, babysitters can be expensive, and you can only rely on family and neighbors for so long. However, if you don’t make an effort to find opportunities to be together without the kids, even if it’s only once a week or so this lack of togetherness will become a source of heated contention. Too many wives find out the hard way that their husbands have felt neglected because the wife needs to spend all her free time with the kids.

Depending on the age of your children, you have a few options. Agreeably, working around the needs and demands of a colicky newborn can be more difficult than a few ‘tweens who demand rides to the mall and soccer practice. Nevertheless, with a little planning and even a little sacrifice where the kids are concerned, everyone can be happy.

One of the major problems that leads to fights and unhappiness in a marriage is the assumption that all activities need to include the kids. They don’t! It is perfectly acceptable to head off to outings, parties, restaurants, etc., without the children in tow. It is even acceptable to entertain at your own home without the kids being involved. To pull this off successfully, however, you need to train yourselves and your children early on that this is the way things are.