With the arrival of your newborn baby, you will necessarily have several concerns about their safety and security. You will have scoured the house from top to bottom and made sure that each room is as childproof as possible. You will also be given several presents including lots of the cutest little baby clothes. Many parents have questions about how to wash these baby clothes.

First and foremost, it is important to understand that a baby’s skin is more delicate than older children and adults’. Their skin can easily become irritated by things in their surroundings. If the clothes next to their skin are harsh and rough then baby’s skin can quickly become red and sore. They can even develop rashes and other skin problems.

This is also true of any harsh chemicals. The normal detergents that we use to wash our clothes may not be suitable for baby’s clothes. Because these powders and liquids can contain strong enzymes to get our own clothes clean. This is especially true of the biological washing powders. Fabric softeners can also contain many different chemicals to coat the fabric with static resistant ions and make them appear softer and more fluffy.

We have no problem with these for our own clothes. As we age our skin becomes more resistant to these and we don’t even notice anything on our skin. But for a baby, exposure to this kind of product might possibly have harmful effects. It is a good idea to select a product which has been specially formulated to be used on baby clothes. A mild detergent which does not contain so many potentially harmful chemicals should always be used. Some people always also wash their baby clothes separately from the main wash for this very reason. Any residual chemicals left over in adult clothes will leach out into the wash and will ruin the effect of using the milder detergent.

But, with a mild detergent and a cooler wash, it can still be possible to get clothes just as clean. The important thing is that if there are any stains on the clothes, to deal with them straight away. This can be done by washing the wet stain immediately with water. Use cold water as some stains can be set in further by using hot water. Then if necessary, soak the garment with some stain remover and wash as normal, making sure that it is rinsed properly.

If reusable diapers are used then these must always be washed separately from the main wash and also from the other baby clothes. These can be soaked in an acidic solution to counteract the ammonia they contain and then washed and rinsed thoroughly in a normal wash. It would be much more hygienic to use a diaper washing service.

It is very important to give the matter of baby’s clothes a lot of thought. It is one way to make sure that your child is comfortable and not irritated by their clothes. This is far better for all concerned because if baby is suffering from irritating clothes, then they will cry and you will not be able to work out why. Looking after their clothes is a good way to sanity for all concerned.

A child is anxious because she believes that she will not be able to understand what is expected of her. She follows the lead of others and allows them to determine her activities because, in her view, they know more, have better judgment, and should have more say. At school, too, she lacks confidence. She may panic when confronted with a new lesson or a new topic because she does not expect that she will be able to learn. Whereas other children exult in adventure, she avoids risks because she does not expect that she can rise to a challenge. Fearful of risks, she is rigid in her ways and rejects introduction of new material or new approaches. She finds it difficult to work independently because she does not trust her own judgment.

Such anxious children may feel as though they do not fully understand what is expected of them and where they go wrong.

Marissa, age ten, is frozen by other children’s strangely acquired knowledge of how to treat their peers. “When someone comes up to me, all I can think is: What do I do now?’ Other kids just talk, like they get into a conversation. I just panic.”

Hilda, age eleven, is oppressed by her inability to measure her father’s expectations. “Sometimes what I do is just right, you know, perfect-couldn’t-be-better sort of thing. Then I’ll do what I think is the same, but it turns out to be wrong or bad or real disappointing. So if s like I don’t know what I’ve done until he says something. I can’t say what it is myself you see.”

Kevin, age twelve, said that there seems to be “lots of layers of gauze between [him] and what goes on in the classroom.” Other children, he thinks, have direct access to instructions and information offered by the teacher and other children, while he feels that “more than half of what’s said” is incomprehensible.

Just as parents socially reward children, children socially reward us as parents: by doing what is asked of them having a generally cheerful disposition, smiling and laughing, acting excited and happy when they see us, showing affection, and imitating our behavior – in short, by making us feel needed and loved.

As children grow into the teenage years there is often a marked change in their world of social rewards. They have many friends at school, an entire social structure outside the social rewards more than those at home. Parents often wonder what happened. They feel that their children no longer consider them so important. There may he some truth in this but if parents give a lot of social rewards (even to teenagers), it is reasonable to expect that teenagers will reciprocate. Teenagers can socially reward parents by showing affection (although perhaps toned-down), having a sense of humour, talking about their lives, showing interest in what their parents are doing, and not treating them as if they were horribly old-fashioned.

Finally, this principle applies not only between parents and children but is true with any two individuals, brother and sister, husband and wife, employer and employee, or friends.

None of us would like to be called a ‘miser’. It suggests someone stingy or selfish. But misers are not just the Ebenezer Scrooges who hoard money. Any of us can qualify as a ’social reward miser’. The necessary characteristics are:

I. Rarely show genuine interest in others;

2. Do not laugh with others;

3. Be cynical about what others are doing;

4. Fail to compliment others on their deeds or achievements; and

5. Keep a safe distance from others.

Think of people in your immediate life situation, such as relatives, friends, employers and acquaintances. How many of them in your judgment would qualify as social reward misers? Finally, how good are you at giving out social rewards?

Some parents are social reward misers with their children and arc not even aware of it. Often they feel that children `should’ do things out of a sense of duty.

“Children should obey their parents, children should keep themselves and their room clean, children should get good school results, children should do their jobs…” All of these are familiar phrases for children. Society has similar ones for adults: adults should pay their taxes, adults should work hard and be productive, adults should obey the speed limit. Yet, many people do not follow these adult ‘rules’ solely out of a sense of responsibility. How many citizens would pay their taxes on time if the tax-man didn’t care? Would all of us go to work and be productive without a wage packet? Would everyone obey speed limits without the police around?

In just the same way with children, many `shoulds’ don’t mean much unless there is some kind of reward (or perhaps even punishment) system involved to hack them up. Unfortunately, ’shoulds’ often imply the threat of punishment if a chore is not completed. Usually parents or children whose lives revolve around `shoulds’ are carrying a degree of fear or guilt. Parents who are social reward misers frequently expect children to do things out of “you should do” backed by a threat of punishment.

Some parents learn to be social reward misers because they themselves were treated that way as children.

If children are misbehaving and parents are becoming increasingly irritated, there may be less and less social rewarding – this is good training for becoming a reward miser! It is very difficult to-give social rewards to someone who makes us angry. This builds into a vicious circle because, as we stop using social rewards, the other person (whether child or adult) has less reason to behave in desirable ways – and so things get worse. When we ignore people who are doing things we want, it is likely they will not do those things in the future.

Adults often get caught in ‘miser traps’. While growing up, for instance, men get the message that they are supposed to be strong, silent, and somewhat emotionless. This often leads to holding back with social rewards.

is reflected best in a strong, silent and non-affectionate approach will very likely turn away from both his wife and children .

Another trap affects divorced parents. Mothers often have custody of children while fathers have access rights at weekends. Sometimes such a situation allows the father to make the mother appear to be a material and social-reward miser. When the children spend a weekend with him, they are allowed to do everything they like and have all his attention. Then, when they go back home to their mother who has the day-to-day living responsibilities and cannot provide instant entertainment’ all the time, they see her as no fun’ and a miser. Such a situation can deepen the wedge between the divorced parents and certainly doesn’t help the children either. On such a case, it is desirable that the divorced mother should express her concern to the children, talk over the situation with her ex-husband, and try to work out a compromise.)

There are several dangers of being a. social reward miser and also pointed out that parents who use lots of social rewards with their children for the right behavior will be more effective as parents. Just having children behave in ways that we like is a tremendous reward for us as parents! In addition to that, parents who give an abundance of social rewards will receive the same from their children.

The whole idea of popularity, of being liked by others, is based upon this fundamental rule: you get what you give.

This principle is probably no great surprise to anyone, yet parents sometimes forget that very alert eyes and ears arc frequently tuned to them. Through the modeling process a child learns values, attitudes, gestures, vocabulary – and had habits. Consider the simple ritual of eating. If a child spends an average of an hour a day eating with parents, that child has a daily opportunity to imitate them in the ways they eat, types of food eaten, tone of conversation, speed, food sequence. If you calculate the total number of those eating hours during the child’s first twelve years, you will find that it amounts to 4,351) hours! Imagine how much a child must learn from parents after that many hours of observation! It’s staggering when we consider the number of hours children actually spend observing and imitating the full range of adult behavior.

Young adults often deny that they are like their parents. Certainly specific behavior might be quite different. Yet psychologists have found that the best single indicator of what a person will be like as an adult is what the parent’s similar religious beliefs. (Yes, we can think of exceptions too!)

During the growing years, children are exposed to a tremendous variety of ‘models’ they can imitate, including their parents. Playmates (particularly older and well-liked ones), school teachers, and heroes/heroines on TV, all serve as role models. It is really interesting to compare estimates of the total number of hours available (up to twelve years) to be influenced by those four categories of models.

Parents are clearly the most powerful childhood models, because they are such a dominant part of the young child’s world. But the older children get, the stronger other influences become.

Research studies have shown that children readily imitate models who have high status and prestige and who are seen to be rewarded for what they do. Television personalities, superstars, and fantasy characters certainly have status, are often hero-worshipped by children, and are almost always rewarded for what they demonstrate on the screen.

There has been much debate and concern about television violence and its effects on children. We don’t claim that watching a murder scene will necessarily cause an increase in the murder rate. It’s not that simple. Yet the question must be raised: just what are we teaching children with television? Our time estimate allowed the average child three hours per day watching television, but the estimates for American children are as high as seven hours per day!

Nobody wants children to imitate television violence, yet according to one government study (US National Commission on the Causes and Prevention of Violence), during an average TV viewing week the program contained over 600 acts of violence. More than half the major characters (the models) inflicted violence on someone else. Violence also occurred in 95 per cent of the televised cartoons. Such violence is often caused by ‘good guys’ to ‘bad guys’ so it fits within our concepts of good versus evil. Can anyone realistically maintain that twelve years of exposure to this will have no adverse effect upon children? At the very least it makes us less sensitive to the pain and suffering of others.

Have you ever known parents who think their child is an ‘angel’, while you are convinced the child is a ‘monster”? There are no such things as ‘good’ or `bad’ behavior in children. This is also true among nations, cultures, or socioeconomic groups.

Actions considered ‘good’ in a Northern European country, for instance, may be considered ‘bad’ in the Middle East. Also our judgment changes over time: many characteristics considered ‘unacceptable’ for women in the early part of this century, such as assertiveness, are considered desirable today.

What is acceptable and what is unacceptable is a matter of opinion, but all behavior is acquired in the same way, no matter how we label it. Within your own family there is probably general agreement about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior.

Obviously, no one wants children to learn tad’ habits! They often do, nonetheless, and parents can sometimes see where they got such habits, perhaps from friends, school, television, or even other family members! Sometimes it seems a mystery: how did the child ever pick that up? Why does it continue in the face of punishment? In such cases, parents may be accidentally teaching the behavior and helping to maintain it by their reactions to it!

Every now and then we encounter parents who are surprised to find out that their child is quiet, cooperative, and perhaps even docile at school. At home, they find the child loud, negative, and almost constantly in trouble. Such parents may see nothing unusual in the observation that their own behavior is very different at home, at work, with friends, or while on holiday. Why not their children as well?

Children, like adults, learn what behavior fits what situations, so that places, people, and events become ‘cues’ for both desirable and undesirable behavior.

Like a green light that has been turned on, the class goes wild when the substitute teacher shows up. When the students are well aware that their teacher doesn’t know them, can have little effect on their marks, and probably will not be seen again for the rest of the year. So why work? Why not play or just do nothing, or even enjoy tormenting her? The substitute becomes a ‘cue’ for acting up. When the regular teacher returns, she finds it hard to believe that her normally well-behaved group could possibly have been so unruly.

The immediate effect of cues upon behavior can be seen in a variety of situations. For example, some young children cry when parents are about to go out and leave them with a babysitter. Yet the minute the door closes the crying stops. Some brothers and sisters will fight noisily when parents are around, yet play well together when alone. Children can also behave ideally at home but cause perpetual problems at school. Situations, people, and places serve as cues for all sorts of behavior.

Children’s actions make sense in terms of the situation. Sometimes the cues are very subtle and not noticed. In other cases, they are obvious. When we look at the complexities of each unique individual, and the variety of situations which occur in our lives, it is not difficult to see why behavior can at times seem to be beyond explanation!

It seems that Terry’s child, who suffers from asthma, has more difficulty breathing than usual in holiday season. She gets so upset that she wishes she knew more so she could help her child better.

As the temperature grows colder in winter, young asthma sufferers experience difficult times. Not only can the cold provoke asthma attacks, but the molds from the rotting leaves, the increase in respiratory infections at this time of the year, and even the increased indoor time and exposure to house dusts make sensitive children suffer attacks more frequently.

Asthma attacks are anything but fun, as the muscles in the tubes, which carry precious air from the mouth to the lungs, of the bronchial tree contract under the influence of the allergens in the air, making the passages narrower than normal. The stimulus of the cold air alone can cause the spasm of the bronchi that makes an asthmatic child wheeze. It becomes harder to suck air through these narrowed bronchial tubes, and the patient may become anxious and frightened as they must now consciously struggle to get enough oxygen.

Children may not eat and will not lie down, as they direct their exertions to the problem of respiration. When these signs develop (they are called respiratory diseases), it is time to seek medical help.

Many medications are available that can effectively open the bronchial tubes and reduce the symptoms. It may take a visit or two until the right dose of the right medication is established, but usually a hospital stay can be avoided. Then there are also the attentions directed to changing the home environment – reducing house dust, pets, and tobacco smoke – that can have beneficial effects for your child.

It is important that you understand the causes and treatment of the problem, and have the child treated now. It is possible for children to outgrow asthma, but controlling the situation now will allow your child to grow and mature in a normal way, and to avoid the lasting problems that childhood asthma may sometimes provoke.