The purpose of a contract is to provide an agreement which clearly specifies the behavior expected and the rewards that can be earned. It is written in simple language (or pictures for small children), is displayed publicly, and helps the parties involved remember the terms of the agreement. Often such an agreement is posted somewhere in easy view and can be used for recording daily behavior change, such as earning gold stars or points. With young children, parents usually set up a contract on the basis of what they already know about rewards for their children. With older children, parents may need to negotiate a contract that is, specifying what they want the children to do, exploring what the children would like to earn, and agreeing upon a fair system of behavior and rewards.

Parents may have to spend considerable time with the children in negotiation because of disagreements about the value of rewards (children sometimes arc unrealistic about the cost of material things), and the amount of effort that should go into earning them. Like management and labor, parents and children can usually reach an agreement and can finally ’sign’ the document to show good faith. If the terms of the contract are carried out by the child, parents must follow through on their end of the bargain. If either party cannot abide by the agreement, the contract Mould he terminated and a new one drawn up. It is usually, best to make a contract for only a short period of time (a week or two), since experience may find it to be too easy or too difficult.

Even the best contracts have to be reassessed every now and then. Having a written contract is valuable because it requires a positive focus, serves as a visual reminder of the agreement, and keeps both parents and children on target.

In carrying out such a contract, Mother in4y wish to check the room with Sally in the afternoon just before her daily snack time. She already knows Sally likes biscuits, chocolate milkshake and fruit. Yet, it may be neccessary to prompt Sally at first, re-explain and show her how to do each of the things shown in the pictorial contract, using the step-by-step principle. After a couple of days, Sally should be able to manage without further instruction, depending on her age and physical skills (and upon the degree of perfection her mother expects)!

A number of assumptions are included in this example of a contract. First, the child must know exactly what the tasks involve (when defined as ‘bed made’ or ‘table cleared’). Second, the parents will have to decide which the more important aspects of behaviour to them are and which seem to be the easiest. Points are then weighted accordingly. We are also assuming that the sister who is being ‘insulted’ is able to focus positively and determine, on an hourly basis, whether she was insulted or not. (The problem behavior is `insults’, which are easy to count, but that would be negative focus. The sister must be able to record time without such insults so that the family may reward it.)

In the sample contract, the child gets a choice of how to cash in earned points. There is a long-term ’special reward’ included so that, after 150 total points are earned, a party can be given. Such events happen occasionally in most families anyway, so why not include a party for a special reward? The chart shows daily progress and steps towards the big reward. If the child is doing a good job on most items, the parents may allow self-monitoring (or self scoring) and marking-up of points (with occasional checks for accuracy). The whole thing finishes about three week later (an older child may be able to handle this longer period), and may be reassessed at that time if necessary.

Remember, in forming a contract:

1. Pinpoint the desired behavior.

2. Whenever appropriate, state the checking time when the improvement in behaviour has to be completed. Just saying ‘feed the dog daily’ could mean any time within 24 hours.

3. State the behavior with a positive focus.

4. Clearly specify what the rewards are, their cost, and when they will be given.

5. Place the contract in a public place for all to see. Most children really like earning things and seeing their progress publicly displayed.

6. Re-evaluate the contract on a weekly basis to determine effectiveness. If necessary, new reward values can be assigned to desired behavior. For example, if an improvement in behavior is not occurring at all, the reward may be too small and can be increased.

Contracts are a common means of adult communication. They require both parties to be clear about their desires and expectations, and they specify both rewards for successful completion and penalties for failure. If we are to improve communication with children, such clear statements can be of value. Although a written contract is not always necessary (just as it is not always necessary between adults) dues allow for fewer misunderstandings. Also, a written contract says to both parties’ `We are serious about changing things here!’

The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority, they show disrespect to their elders. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and are tyrants over their teachers.”

Does any of that sound familiar? It is attributed to the Greek philosopher Socrates some 2,000 years ago! No doubt parents of every generation have commented on the spoiling of youth.

A ’spoiled child’ usually gets his or her own way regardless of parental wishes. Sometimes they can be annoying or even downright objectionable. Still, some parents tolerate it and wonder why the problem behavior continues. Such parents usually avoid any contradiction of the child’s wishes and often give the impression that they want to be very popular with their children. Because they give many material and social rewards to children, it is only natural to wonder if it isn’t the rewards that have spoiled the child. The fact of the matter is that the child has been taught to behave in an objectionable manner, not intentionally, but by being rewarded for laid behavior.

It is not an overabundance of rewards that results in a child behaving badly, but the non-systematic use of rewards. If a child is rewarded for all actions, we can expect to see a continuation of both good and had behavior.

The end result of years of this lifestyle is that the child’s behavior gets worse and worse until parents are so frustrated they don’t know what to do. Some seek professional help. They feel love for their child, yet are frustrated by the child’s behavior. Such parents may be so constantly angry that they can scarcely contain their anger, perhaps saying, “I don’t understand it, we’ve done everything for the boy, we’ve given him everything, we’ve loved him, and yet he’s always in trouble. At times I could wring his neck!”

The key to understanding lies in looking at how a child is being rewarded.

Resistance to unwelcome tasks can often be avoided if a small treat for everybody is promised ahead of time, such as an ice cream cone or a few minutes of play at the park. (Caution: Don’t make such an offer following an act of defiance!)

Children should ideally be like robots who unquestioningly jump and obey every parental command. Children have rights too, including the expression of their own desires and sometimes not wanting to participate in errands or do jobs.

`Spare the rod and spoil the child’ was a popular child- rearing maxim for our parents’ generation. Often it was interpreted as simply meaning that children should be punished frequently, as if punishment in itself were somehow good for them. However, ’spare the rod’ can also be interpreted as suggesting parents should set limits and guidelines for children – that is, not letting them do everything they want. Children really want parents to set guidelines and to define limits of behavior.

Rewarding ‘bad’ behavior, by repeatedly giving in or being permissive, teaches a child to behave badly. Do this for several months – maybe even years – and you have a spoiled child and later, perhaps, a spoiled adult. So parents should feel free to give lots of love and other social rewards. The key is that such social rewards are not appropriate to all behavior; but should be given selectively to the behavior we like and want to encourage in our