“When we found out I was pregnant, we were thrilled and just couldn’t wait for it to happen soon enough. We laughed at everyone asking if we were ready for the night feeds – we thought we’d cope quite happily. Our daughter’s now five months old, and the thought of those night feeds isn’t so funny any more. It seems as if everything is about getting her off to sleep and catching up on sleep ourselves.”

“I don’t think it’s getting the baby off to sleep that’s hard to do, it’s getting enough sleep ourselves. It’s even worse with two children. You get one off to sleep and then the baby will wake for a feed. You just feel you’re acting like a robot – baby crying, get up, settle the baby, snatch 40 winks, baby crying, get up, and on, and on, and on.”

If you’re already a parent, you’ll recognise how these parents feel. A baby’s sleep patterns are totally unlikely to fit in with ours. We adults need our sleep and sleep deprivation can be very debilitating for even the strongest among us. Without it, we can be at least grumpy and grouchy. At worst, it can leave us questioning our ability to cope with normal, everyday things. Even concentrating long enough to have a simple conversation with a friend can seem like a mammoth task. And even if, were you to sit down and add up the figures, you found that you were getting seven or eight hours’ sleep in total, it’s the interruptions to the sleep that actually cause the problem.

Stress and emotional effects
A baby crying at night also causes stress. If this is your first baby, you are guaranteed to be doubly anxious about your baby’s every whimper. So no wonder being woken by crying causes your heart to beat quicker, and your breath to shorten. At worst, this stress can cause physical ailments, such as constant headaches and ulcers.

A constant lack of sleep can send your emotions up the wall too. You might feel down and irritable, angry because you feel you’re not coping, or even angry at the baby for keeping you awake. Remember, these are all normal emotions that you are quite entitled to feel. But don’t take your anger out on your baby. She’s an innocent who isn’t aware of the effect her crying has on you, except that it brings you to her. Accept that parenting is a difficult and demanding job for every parent, and thankfully, there are a great many things you can do to help you feel better and to keep the effects of stress at bay.

- Eat a healthy diet, one that is full of fibre and protein-rich foods to give you the energy to cope. Even if you are too tired to cook a five-course meal, there are lots of quick, snack-type foods that will fit the bill, for example, baked beans, baked potatoes, pasta, fruit and vegetables, and wholegrain breakfast cereals. Remember to drink plenty of water and fruit juice too, especially if you’re breastfeeding baby.

- Don’t expect too much of yourself. Ask for help, and accept help when it’s offered.

- Exercise a little, each day if you can. Although you may be exhausted, keeping your body in shape will help you cope with the physical demands of looking after a baby. Even going for a brisk walk with the pram or running up the stairs, which you’re probably climbing many times a day anyway, will serve the purpose.

- Remember you have needs too. Make some time for yourself, even if it’s only half an hour relaxing in the bath or reading.
- Keep smiling and try to laugh about the situation because it will get better in time!

Your relationship

Interrupted sleep caused by a crying baby can make for strained relationships between couples. When they’re feeling worn out through lack of sleep and the pressures of caring for a baby, it’s normal for couples to blame each other when the baby cries, or to argue about whose turn it is to get up to see to the baby.

It’s normal too for mums to feel resentful towards their partner because, although parent roles may have changed in recent years, mum is normally the one to bear the greatest burden of the baby’s care. To help couples through the tiring times, mums need to make sure right from the start that dad feels included, and is an important person in caring for baby. Making sure he takes an active role will not only help to share the burden but is also very important in helping him to forge his own special relationship with the baby.

- Never blame each other. Care for your baby as a unit, sharing all the responsibilities and household chores as much as possible.

- However close you were before the birth, don’t expect your partner to be able to read your mind. Let each other know if there is a problem and share your feelings.

- Make time for each other and talk about your day. Go to bed together, early if you can.

- Whenever possible, take in it turns to mind the baby during the day so that you can both have opportunities to catch up on your sleep.

Most importantly, try to maintain your sense of humour! Your baby’s sleep patterns should become more predictable as the months go by, so things will improve.