When is it a good idea to get a tutor and who needs a tutor? Well, a tutor is someone who can be a specialist in their field and who sometimes also has a teaching qualification. Teachers become tutors sometimes, either to earn extra income or to help their pupils to do better in their subjects. But tutors can also come from all areas such as students, professionals and family members.

There are two types of situation in which getting a tutor is a good idea. If a child is finding it a struggle to understand a subject at school or is not keeping up with lessons because they do not understand what the teacher is talking about then it should be discussed with them. Similarly if they are finding it hard to understand that homework that is being set for them and you can see that they do not know how to answer the questions, then certainly think about getting a tutor for them.

They might find it embarrassing to tell you that they don’t understand, and also in front of the other class members they will not admit that they don’t know how to answer the questions. In this case a specialized tutor will give them the confidence they need to catch up with the rest of the class and do better both at home and at school.

Another situation where a child needs a tutor is if they are excelling in a particular subject. This can be maths, science, art, music – whatever subject it is, you might find that they are bored in class because they already know how to do what is being taught. This can manifest in many ways. They can be uninterested in the subject and sit there being bored, so the teacher might tell you that they don’t pay attention in class, or worse, they can be disruptive! Often particularly clever children do get bored very quickly and look for excitement by causing the excitement themselves.

In both these situations, a child would benefit from a tutor in the specialized subject.
How to find a tutor can be difficult. From the many different people available, you need to find one who will get on with your child and fit with the way that they learn and need to be taught. Word of mouth can be a good source. Ask other parents if they know anyone good. Sometimes there are adverts in local newsagent. These can be good because you need someone who is local to the area in which you live.

You may be able to visit tutoring agencies that have several people on their books. These are often good because they provide a consistent framework of payment and schedule, and the tutors are very disciplined and turn up when they say and do what they are supposed to do. If you do decide to go for a tutor, be sure to explore all the possibilities before picking the best person.

Imagine this situation: Mum and Dad have two young children. At the end of the day, Dad comes home, hoping to watch the six o’clock news. The children are running about, making a lot of noise. Dad calls out to Mum in the other room. ‘You’re at home with these children all the time. Can’t you do something about this noise? I work all day and I’d like to come home just once in a while and have a little peace and quiet.’ This father believes that it is the mother’s responsibility to make sure the children are quiet when he is there.

In a minor variation of the same situation, Mum may come home from work to hear Dad say, ‘These children have been a terror today, and I want you to do something about it!’ he believes that the mother has responsibility to deal out the punishment and may have threatened the children with ‘Just wait until your mother gets home!’

Some parents believe that ‘boy problems’ are Dad’s responsibility while ‘girl problems’ are Mum’s. A mother will say `Can’t you do something with that son of yours?’ while the father suggests, ‘You’d better have a talk with your daughter.’ Such division of parental responsibility is inefficient for dealing with child problems. We advocate an equal relationship, with shared roles and responsibilities.

A family is built upon a complex system of situations between parents, children and often relatives. It should be apparent that a child’s behavior is unlikely to change if only one family member modifies his or her reactions while the others continue on as before. If we want any behavioral change program to be effective, it must include all members of the family, specifying the part each person plays in the situation, what they must do, and how they must change. Everybody can be involved in the planning by sitting down together and talking it over, so that everyone knows what is going on.

Weight loss is a slow process. Pounds do not suddenly disappear, and any person changing their eating habits needs all the encouragement possible. With all family members involved and on a positive focus, there can be lots of social rewards for exercising, eating smaller portions, and giving up high-calorie foods.

Thus, regardless of the behavior to be changed, you need to be sure that all family members are involved, know how to socially reward the desired behavior, and follow through. Treat it as a family project where nobody feels excluded. It is particularly important that no family member suffers by a program to change another’,s behavior, because the likely reaction to an undeserved penalty is to sabotage the program.

How do you get other children in the family to co-operate with a behavioral change program, rather than ridicule the child involved or sabotage parents’ efforts? It’s no secret that children enjoy teasing and annoying each other, and may even be delighted when the other one gets into trouble with their parents. In short, children can develop an acute sense of negative focus by eagerly picking away at anything they know will irritate a brother or sister., The end result is that Mum or Dad must play referee. When dealing with a specific behavioral problem, we want to be sure that not only Mum and Dad, but also the brother and/or sister, have a positive focus on the improved behavior. Reward sharing provides a reason for the other child to encourage a change in behavior rather than hinder it.

Choosing the reward to share must be done carefully. It has to be something that everybody likes and it must he special — that is, something which doesn’t occur very often. In other words, it is not already a regular part of family entertainment. If it’s routine to go out for a meal every Friday night, don’t suddenly insist that one child has to behave correctly or nobody goes out. That puts everybody in the position of being punished if the child in question does not immediately perform well. It may result in great pressure from brothers or sisters who don’t want to be cheated out of their normal fun. Once the special family reward has been selected, behavior is then recorded and socially rewarded, step-by- step. Possibly points or stars can be used until a desired goal is reached. Then the family can share the special reward.

The emphasis is not on if the goal is going to be reached, but when. Parents should also avoid planning shared rewards that are time limited, running out at a certain date and placing a child under pressure Cif James gets 50 points by Sunday, we can all go to the beach’). Instead, it should be planned to allow the child to achieve success at his or her own pace (When James has collected 50 points, we can all have a day at the beach’).

In the first exam Dad set up a shared reward for the boys and specified the behavior required, but expected a perfect record by t he next weekend. When Wayne carried out his task for three out of five days, he got no reward for his partial success. Dick was completely faithful to the task, yet he too got no reward. Dad set it up so that any failure on Wayne’s part would automatically result in punishment for both boys, regardless of how well Dick did his job. Conflict between the two boys • can certainly be expected. David’s Dad, in the second example, sets up a shared reward system for both boys. No one is left out, and both are earning points towards separate family goals. Dad has set no time limit, sop he rewards any improvement in David’s efforts. The boys know that eventually they will be going to a cricket match. Alto Joel is likely to show more interest in David’s success and may even remind him to take care of his pet. Remember, in :a good reward sharing plan, you must he sure that the child:ren are sharing rewards and not being punished through denial of an expected reward. Keep in mind that rewards are a personal thing. With children of very different ages, you may have to do some searching for a reward that interests everybody! It is certainly desirable to ask, and to discuss with the children, which rewards would make everybody happy.

Besides being helpful in changing one child’s behaviour, there are also broader family benefits of reward sharing There is a shift toward a more positive focus and away from a ‘failure’ orientation. In addition, such joint efforts tend to give the family a sense of unity through working together

Have you ever known parents who think their child is an ‘angel’, while you are convinced the child is a ‘monster”? There are no such things as ‘good’ or `bad’ behavior in children. This is also true among nations, cultures, or socioeconomic groups.

Actions considered ‘good’ in a Northern European country, for instance, may be considered ‘bad’ in the Middle East. Also our judgment changes over time: many characteristics considered ‘unacceptable’ for women in the early part of this century, such as assertiveness, are considered desirable today.

What is acceptable and what is unacceptable is a matter of opinion, but all behavior is acquired in the same way, no matter how we label it. Within your own family there is probably general agreement about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior.

Obviously, no one wants children to learn tad’ habits! They often do, nonetheless, and parents can sometimes see where they got such habits, perhaps from friends, school, television, or even other family members! Sometimes it seems a mystery: how did the child ever pick that up? Why does it continue in the face of punishment? In such cases, parents may be accidentally teaching the behavior and helping to maintain it by their reactions to it!

Every now and then we encounter parents who are surprised to find out that their child is quiet, cooperative, and perhaps even docile at school. At home, they find the child loud, negative, and almost constantly in trouble. Such parents may see nothing unusual in the observation that their own behavior is very different at home, at work, with friends, or while on holiday. Why not their children as well?

Children, like adults, learn what behavior fits what situations, so that places, people, and events become ‘cues’ for both desirable and undesirable behavior.

Like a green light that has been turned on, the class goes wild when the substitute teacher shows up. When the students are well aware that their teacher doesn’t know them, can have little effect on their marks, and probably will not be seen again for the rest of the year. So why work? Why not play or just do nothing, or even enjoy tormenting her? The substitute becomes a ‘cue’ for acting up. When the regular teacher returns, she finds it hard to believe that her normally well-behaved group could possibly have been so unruly.

The immediate effect of cues upon behavior can be seen in a variety of situations. For example, some young children cry when parents are about to go out and leave them with a babysitter. Yet the minute the door closes the crying stops. Some brothers and sisters will fight noisily when parents are around, yet play well together when alone. Children can also behave ideally at home but cause perpetual problems at school. Situations, people, and places serve as cues for all sorts of behavior.

Children’s actions make sense in terms of the situation. Sometimes the cues are very subtle and not noticed. In other cases, they are obvious. When we look at the complexities of each unique individual, and the variety of situations which occur in our lives, it is not difficult to see why behavior can at times seem to be beyond explanation!

There are not a lot of people who enjoy housework, but it is something that has to get done around the home. While everyone in your family will run busy lives, the housework cannot be all given to one person in the household. It should be a group effort by everyone living in the home, which will make everyone’s life a little easier.

Sit down with the whole family and make a list of everything that needs to be done around the home. Whether it been something that needs to be done daily, weekly, or even seasonally, make sure that you include it on your list. Talk to everyone in the family to see what they would be willing to pitch in and help with. If you family members fail to cooperate, than you may need to delegate tasks to them.

Make chores fun for the whole family. Offer rewards for those who complete their tasks, but also remember you will need to offer punishments like no television until they are completed. You will also want to consider their busy lives when nominating them for tasks. Keep it realistic so that the goals are easily attainable.

Set a certain time of the week or day to do tasks. This way, everyone pitches in and helps, and things get done a lot quicker. If you can find an hour of the day where everyone is home, you can complete everything that you needed to get done, and then you can move onto more fun activities. You can even plan a fun event afterwards to keep motivating everyone to finish.

Using these tips will help you be successful in getting your whole family to pitch in with the household chores. Everyone in your family will feel satisfied that the work is complete leaving more time for everyone in the family to enjoy more free time.