When is it a good idea to get a tutor and who needs a tutor? Well, a tutor is someone who can be a specialist in their field and who sometimes also has a teaching qualification. Teachers become tutors sometimes, either to earn extra income or to help their pupils to do better in their subjects. But tutors can also come from all areas such as students, professionals and family members.

There are two types of situation in which getting a tutor is a good idea. If a child is finding it a struggle to understand a subject at school or is not keeping up with lessons because they do not understand what the teacher is talking about then it should be discussed with them. Similarly if they are finding it hard to understand that homework that is being set for them and you can see that they do not know how to answer the questions, then certainly think about getting a tutor for them.

They might find it embarrassing to tell you that they don’t understand, and also in front of the other class members they will not admit that they don’t know how to answer the questions. In this case a specialized tutor will give them the confidence they need to catch up with the rest of the class and do better both at home and at school.

Another situation where a child needs a tutor is if they are excelling in a particular subject. This can be maths, science, art, music – whatever subject it is, you might find that they are bored in class because they already know how to do what is being taught. This can manifest in many ways. They can be uninterested in the subject and sit there being bored, so the teacher might tell you that they don’t pay attention in class, or worse, they can be disruptive! Often particularly clever children do get bored very quickly and look for excitement by causing the excitement themselves.

In both these situations, a child would benefit from a tutor in the specialized subject.
How to find a tutor can be difficult. From the many different people available, you need to find one who will get on with your child and fit with the way that they learn and need to be taught. Word of mouth can be a good source. Ask other parents if they know anyone good. Sometimes there are adverts in local newsagent. These can be good because you need someone who is local to the area in which you live.

You may be able to visit tutoring agencies that have several people on their books. These are often good because they provide a consistent framework of payment and schedule, and the tutors are very disciplined and turn up when they say and do what they are supposed to do. If you do decide to go for a tutor, be sure to explore all the possibilities before picking the best person.

Why is fear seen as a weakness that may threaten our child? Fear for one’s child stems from love and concern. Watchfulness, protectiveness, and a keen scent for danger are built in parental behaviors to help infants and children survive. A parent’s fear preserves the safety of a child.

Yet a parent’s fear can become a child’s handicap when it interferes with her confidence to explore and exercise her abilities. In the novel Other Women, Lisa Alther realizes that an important skill in parenting is non-interference:

Hannah saw Mona needed only to realize she was now riding the bike on her own, so she lowered her fingertips and fell back. As their fingertips touched for the last time, and brushed apart, Hannah felt a pang of joy and pride, mixed with anguish¡ªat the loss of the little girl who couldn’t ride a bicycle… As Mona rode back, her eyes bright with triumph, Hannah first understood that parenting was a series of such small daily deaths, and that learning to let go of your charges was as crucial as learning to take them on.

Forbidding a child to ride a bike, or roller skate, or climb high on a jungle gym, may protect her from a scrape or a tumble, but it also denies her the chance to exercise the competence and care she may in fact have. If we repeatedly drive a child to school, or walk her to a neighborhood friend’s house, we may be protecting her, but we are also teaching her to remain dependent. By telling her she is “too little” or “too young,” we may be inadvertently telling her that she is incapable, and deny her the pleasure of learning to do things herself¡ªwhich is precisely what she needs self-esteem for. We need to check our inappropriate fears.

A child is anxious because she believes that she will not be able to understand what is expected of her. She follows the lead of others and allows them to determine her activities because, in her view, they know more, have better judgment, and should have more say. At school, too, she lacks confidence. She may panic when confronted with a new lesson or a new topic because she does not expect that she will be able to learn. Whereas other children exult in adventure, she avoids risks because she does not expect that she can rise to a challenge. Fearful of risks, she is rigid in her ways and rejects introduction of new material or new approaches. She finds it difficult to work independently because she does not trust her own judgment.

Such anxious children may feel as though they do not fully understand what is expected of them and where they go wrong.

Marissa, age ten, is frozen by other children’s strangely acquired knowledge of how to treat their peers. “When someone comes up to me, all I can think is: What do I do now?’ Other kids just talk, like they get into a conversation. I just panic.”

Hilda, age eleven, is oppressed by her inability to measure her father’s expectations. “Sometimes what I do is just right, you know, perfect-couldn’t-be-better sort of thing. Then I’ll do what I think is the same, but it turns out to be wrong or bad or real disappointing. So if s like I don’t know what I’ve done until he says something. I can’t say what it is myself you see.”

Kevin, age twelve, said that there seems to be “lots of layers of gauze between [him] and what goes on in the classroom.” Other children, he thinks, have direct access to instructions and information offered by the teacher and other children, while he feels that “more than half of what’s said” is incomprehensible.