There are a lot of theories on how you should bring up your children. You may be influenced by how your parents brought you up. Your well meaning neighbor or those in your social circle may come up with friendly advice. You can read a lot of literature that is available on the subject of parenting, or take classes that are held in the local community centre. There are no final answers. Psychologists and social scientists are reasonably sure which methods of bringing up your children are the most effective and would have a beneficial outcome on their growing years.

Three styles will cover almost all parenting ideas. They are the methods for determining the responsibilities of each member of a family.

Authoritarian style                         
An authoritarian style of parenting would always be in control and impose this same control on the children. Parents adopting this style would lay down very strict rules for the children and do this without exhibiting any emotion by way of affection or warmth in their manner. Their very strict rules would be unbending and children not keeping to the rules will always be strictly criticized. Children will always be told what to do, and that they have to obey. They (the children) would have no choice or alternate options.

Parents who are authoritarian will never bother to explain to their children why they have to do such things. “Because I said so” would be the standard answer to any query. The parents will focus on the mistakes made rather than the good things done, and punish a child harshly for any transgression of their orders. Under such an authoritarian regime of upbringing, children cannot learn to think for themselves or understand why their parents demand a certain behavior.
 
Permissive style
Parents who adopt the permissive style of parenting do not exercise any control over their children. They do not make any rules, and if they occasionally do so, they will not bother to enforce them. They themselves are strangers to routines and want their children also to feel free. No boundaries are set for the children and they also do not expect anything from the children and will accept whatever the child does warmly and affectionately.

In this parenting style, the children are free to make their own choices in all aspects of their life, even though quite often they are not capable of forming correct judgments. The parents will accept the behavior of a child without being critical of its correctness or whether the child’s attitude has benefited it. They do not interfere when the child misbehaves and will always try to remain detached.  

Democratic style
Parents who adopt the democratic style of parenting will help the child to be responsible for its own actions, and also it will help them to ponder on what the consequence of their behaviors. Such parents would be very clear with their children as to what they expect from their children in their behavior and the reasons for these expectations. They would further monitor their children’s behavior and ensure that their standards are being followed. They would do this in a manner that is loving and affectionate. They would prefer to highlight the good behavior of their child, rather than stressing their behavioral lapses.

They would ask the child to think whether any of their actions can cause hurt to others, rather than tell them not to do a thing. As they grow up, children would be involved in making their own rules and listing out their own chores as their contribution to running the household.

If you are adopting this style of parenting give your child choices based on their age and thinking capabilities. For a toddler the option to choose the color of the shirt that he is going to wear, for an older child, a choice of fruit for dessert. Behavior which involves violence is treated with explaining to the child why his action has hurt someone, and why he requires keeping away his play toy, or going to his room to cool off.

Adopt the style that is best for the child
Your style may be an amalgam of all the three styles. What is it that you want your child to learn? It is said that the democratic style gives the most positive outcomes. Permissive style of parenting makes the children aggressive and showy, while those in the authoritarian regime tend to be very submissive and lack in self esteem. You need to have a very caring and loving bond with your child for any style to work.